I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
