YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
