Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
