i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
