took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i barfeds in our rink
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
