does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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