I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
