Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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