We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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