why didn't you poke me back
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
