You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
