using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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