quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
