I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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