you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
