u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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