i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
