don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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