All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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