im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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