Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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