I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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