lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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