Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
