And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
