Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
