Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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