He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
