I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
