I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
