if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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