I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
