dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have aggressive nipples.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
