bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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