when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
