Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
