Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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