Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
