My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
