I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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