It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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