I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
