so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
