My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
