I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
