Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
