Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
