Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
