if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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