ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
